Ennis said, “Let’s go jump off the breakwall,” and I said, “Sure!”
There were so many years of conserving and protecting and worrying about energy, about having an Adventure! (Paddling, running, biking, camping, Lake Superior swimming…) — I felt so much hesitation. So much leaning back, trying not to get sucked into something I didn’t feel ready for or up for.
And now there’s space. (what makes it is a combination of things).
Now– in the very recent now of 5:30 p.m. today– there was space to be present and easily consider the possibility, and to say yes
We jumped and jumped. The water at the edge of the breakwall was warmer than I’ve ever known it to be.
We took pictures and made videos. And it was kinda like two friends hanging out, not so much Mother & Son. (Of course, it also is that–but what a difference 11 is to, say, 3).
We went to Dairy Queen to see friends. On the way I broke into a run, shouting, “Race ya!”
He passed me within seconds. He beat me even though I took a shortcut through Harbor Park.
It turns out I haven’t raced him since he was little enough that I’d pretend he was faster than me– and now he absolutely is!
Then a completely unhealthy supper (and no racing on full stomachs, though only I felt that would be a problem), and back to our little home that we are figuring out together.